Man, I used to be funny

Here's a story: my senior year of college, I was looking for a job. A job in New York. I wanted, more than anything, to work at Entertainment Weekly. I worshiped Entertainment Weekly. So much that I threw all of my dignity out the window, and wrote the ballsiest cover letter I've ever written.

Because of this cover letter, and my persistence, and the fact that I called everyone at Entertainment Weekly begging for an interview, I did indeed get an interview. I was going to New York anyway to interview at a different company, and someone at EW agreed to meet me.

I was beyond excited. I was going to actually achieve my dream.

Well, it didn't happen. They called the morning of the interview and canceled, and I didn't get the other job either. I wound up staying in San Antonio, getting a job here, meeting John, getting another job, marrying John, buying a house, getting two dogs, the whole nine yards. It worked out, that I never got that job at Entertainment Weekly.

I ran across that cover letter I sent them, and I thought I'd share it with you. I think it pretty well encapsulates my sense of humor, how desperate I was for this job, and what awesome writing skills I have.

Dear Mr. Tetzeli,

All I’ve got is snark. I thought I had other skills, but it turns out it all comes down to snark.

Fortunately, snark is a good quality in writing. Specifically, it’s a good quality in Entertainment Weekly. EW has snark in spades. And so do I. Which is why I think I would be a perfect match at EW, as a writer, designer, editorial assistant, or lackey.

As a former Reed Business Information intern, I have written about pharmaceuticals, food manufacturing, and bulk processing. You probably don’t know about these industries, but I didn’t either when I started at RBI. I learned quickly and was given multiple stories to write. In fact, I’m still writing freelance pieces for RBI.

For the past three years, I have been the yearbook editor at my university, meaning I have produced a 240-page yearbook in 8 months with only 7 layout artists and 1 cranky managing editor. I have done this, and managed to stay sane and to keep up with my studies.

So I have the writing experience, and the managing experience, but I also have the design experience. In the 6 years I have been dealing in design, I have worked with Adobe PageMaker, QuarkXPress, Adobe Photoshop, and InDesign. I could double-page spreads in my sleep. I can eyeball picas from a mile away. I can throw 15 spot colors on a page with one hand tied behind my back.

I can do all of these things. But why do I want to work for you? Simply because Entertainment Weekly is my Bible. Every Monday, I read it cover to cover, and pine until I can read the next issue. I have incorporated elements from the designs into my own designs because they are simply that good.

Essentially, I love Entertainment Weekly. I would love working for Entertainment Weekly, no matter the capacity. I can be at your beck and call in August.

Sincerely,

Lauren Thompson