ASK LAUREN August 19, 2009

Brian in Alaska asks, We have this really pushy neighbor. She totally tells us what we should be doing and how we should be doing it. She is really generous, but she gives us things we don't really want or can't use. She would be mostly friendly if she wasn't so pushy, and Stephanie wants to make sure we are on good terms with the neighbors. I really can't stand her, but recognize we wouldn't want her for an enemy. How to handle her intrusions into our business?

Ooh, excellent question! I too have a nosy neighbor. She is kind of a, how do you say? Bee-otch. Yes. She is. But that is another story. In addition to being mean, she is also just nosy and very chatty and the kind of person who takes a "Hi, how you doin?" to mean an invitation to a 30-minute conversation. And by conversation, I mean she talks for 30 minutes while I nod my head.

Usually I just try to avoid talking to her whenever possible. You don't want to really piss her off, because, as you said, she's still your neighbor. You don't really want to rock the boat or do anything to make her mad. I'm sure she is a nice person with good intentions, she just takes it too far, to the point where her "advice" might sound patronizing and commanding.

So avoid her if you can. If John gets caught talking to our neighbor, I usually go rescue him by telling him I need his "help" inside. If you do have convos with her, keep them short. Make a point to end the conversation with an "I'm sorry, but I have to (check on the kids, go inside, etc etc)". Basically, you have to train her not to talk to you. If you're outside and she starts talking, go inside. Move to the other side of the house. Say you need to concentrate on what you're doing. You need to get her to subconsciously understand that you are not friends and you don't really want to talk. If she tries to give you something, say that you don't need it/can't accept it/already have one and go inside immediately. Don't give any concrete excuses or any information about why you need to leave the yard, go in the house, not accept her castoffs. Just leave. This way, she won't have any info to latch on to, you won't necessarily be lying, and she will be forced to redirect her pushy ways elsewhere. Maybe to her other neighbor. Score one for you!

If that doesn't work, say something that will shock her so bad she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. I used to use this all the time on my parents. (Haha, JUST KIDDING MOM! (or am I?))

ASK LAUREN August 18, 2009

I've had my first question, from Alexis:

what music are you listening to these days? reading?

Well, that's not really advice, but I will share anyways. As you know, I have impeccable/awesome taste. Here's a bit of what I'm consuming these days:

Reading: I just reread The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank and am now rereading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. I like rereading books, it's comforting to me.

Listening: A lot of things. A lot of rap and pop, for running. I find a lot of cool music on pandora.com. I listen to Pandora through dora.fm, which is Pandora with Twitter so you can tweet the songs you listen to. It's like blip.fm. The station I created is called Mellow but it's got everything in it from Motown to Journey to Ludacris. I have ridiculous tastes in music. I hate country though.

Watching: Do you love TV? Me too.
-Top Chef Masters and rooting for Rick Bayless, who reminds me of a dorky uncle.
-Dance Your Ass Off because I'm a sucker for weight loss shows and dance shows and this is BOTH
-The Closer
-How I Met Your Mother, which never gets old. "Sandcastles in the sand..."

That's pretty much all of the media I'm consuming right now. I'm sure the TV will pick up when the fall seasons start and 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Desperate Housewives all come back.

ASK LAUREN

Hello internets! Riddle me this:

1. Do you have questions? Things that plague you? Problems with roommates, boyfriends, wives, mothers, coworkers, strangers, dogs, etc.?
2. Would you like someone to help you with those problems?

You are in luck! I am starting a new section of i go right for the blogular, called ASK LAUREN. It is, how do you say, an advice column. It has come to my attention that I am awesome and give great advice. Or, at the very least, I give funny advice. I can go either way with it. If I don't give you real advice, I'll give you funny advice.

Example:

Question: I am throwing a dinner party and I want to invite only a select group of friends. There's one couple that I don't want to invite, but they're friends with everyone else. Should I suck it up and invite them or not? If not, what do I say?

Funny Answer: Why don't you like them? Are they tools? If so, just tell them that you don't like tools in your house. End of discussion.

Real Answer: You can just suck it up and invite them if you think it would be less trouble. If you see them on a regular basis, this might be the most agreeable option. But if you don't see them often, you can get away with not inviting them. You could tell the others invited that this is a small event and you don't have the space to invite everyone. Or you could just not address it at all and assume that everyone will be an adult about it.

I am not an expert on really anything, but I can pretend to be. Or point you in the right direction. Or Google it. But then again, if I can Google it, so can you, so don't bother me with that shit.

So send me some questions! You can leave them as comments to this post, anonymously or not, or send them to me at laurenwthompson [at] gmail [dot] com.